Mind.

There’s been a lot on my mind lately.  Mainly because I just want everything to make sense again.  I feel like I’m getting in that rut I was in when I was working at Bechtel.  I’ve gotten used to the quietness of the place now.  Before it used to REALLY bug me but now it doesn’t.  Same goes for being at home.  I kinda like the stress of being unsettled and settling into my place.  It gives you something to do but also it makes you broke.  In addition to that, I have this stupid exam that I can’t ever seem to get a handle of because I can’t guess passed my damn fundamentals.

Before I am 30, I am hoping to get these huge hurdles out of my way because that is the point of your 20s.  Get all the kinks out so you can start living the rest of your life.  The first two decades of your life is to prepare you to be an adult and think responsibly.  Not just mechanically, methodically but also realistically.  Once you graduate from higher learning, you are set free to make decisions on your own and get paid for it.  Sure there are some people not made for college and that’s because they think differently.  They sorta get it, whatever “get it” means to them, they made it work and that’s their prerogative.

I feel so clueless sometimes in my field of work just because I wasn’t “trained” persay so I’m not sure exactly how do certain procedures.  A lot of people I work with are traditionally electrical engineers first and get introduced into controls and instrumentation afterwards.  What gets me is that I’m COMPLETELY clueless when it is swapped around.  I know nothing about LV, MV motors, switchgears, transformers and lighting.  I’m surprised that I at least know that much now.  I was never exposed to that stuff and when I try to say that I’m interested in it, they don’t want to take the time out to teach an old dog new tricks.

I remember when I was laid off, I tapped into this creativity side of my brain that was ridiculously exciting.  I wrote, I networked, I became a people person that people wanted to listen to and I kinda enjoyed my life but I was broke.  How do you find a medium between that?  How do you procure your ideas and ambitions?

I don’t mind learning but the environment is detrimental to my success in that sense.  When I feel like I “should” know something but I don’t, my ego gets the better of me and I pretend that I get it and spend that time trying to figure it out myself.  I can see when it gets annoying when you ask too many questions but then when you don’t ask questions, people ask why you didn’t.  It’s just the nature of it.  I need to stop thinking so personally and just get the damn shit done.

Living in Austin for 2 years this upcoming July, I really love this city.  I don’t know why but if the people I cared about the most were around here, I don’t think I would leave much except for vacation and such.  There’s getaway spots here and if you want something to do, well there’s something to do.  Just wish I had more people that I can relate to be around me.  When I pass my exam and evaluate my position at work, I want to get my PE and decide what I want to do from there.  How can I get into a business that I WANT to be in but don’t have the background experience to persue and make a decent salary without digging a hole for myself?  At that point, I will have senior experience regardless of what industry it is in.

Do I want to move somewhere else?  Portland?  Seattle?  Kinda depressing but for some reason, Portland has piqued my interest.  Also maybe Chicago but I’d have to be raking in some dough so I can live in the city.  I’ve considered Florida until the last couple of times I was there and it’s just weird to me.  I would try the east coast but that’s a money pit.  I could live in NY for a short time but I don’t see any long term goals there.

I want to be confident with my life choices again but right now, I’m complacent and comfortable.  I guess the one time I talked to my dad really hit me and has made me anxious every since.  I hate that it came at such a good time in my life where I was sleeping at night soundly and happy with shit but then he always knows these certain things to say to get under my skin and make me re-evaluate.  I guess he noticed something I didn’t so kudos to him for that.  His intentions are there but his approach is kinda asinine.

I have hopes for my future but I hope that they aren’t well…always just hopes.  I need to make things happen.  That’s the thing about life.  Make goals and do things to reach them.  Lazy work doesn’t get you anywhere and I don’t like doing lazy work.  But I need to be inspired/motivated and that’s when I shine.  Make me feel like I’m doing something that’s making a difference.  Anyway, kepe your head up and I’m glad I have people in my life that keep me afloat.  Otherwise, I’d be a depressed kid for no reason.  Jump the hurdles and keep going.  Cuz what else is there to do?

Just stop being lazy with your life.

It’s fun playing volleyball during the week though.  Maybe I just need more shit like that.

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Mar: Spring Cleaning

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Spring happened to arrive in impeccable fashion. Not only did the great weather happen to come exactly on its first day but it has stayed around to make everything around lush and green again after weeks of rain. It’s been a while since we’ve had a good rain. I just hope that it rains consistently this summer. No more of this “Austin record breaking temperatures for consistent days” type business.

This month has been me trying to jump back on the health wagon and eat right and eat right consistently. I can’t believe I’ve been tipping the scales close to 200 lbs. and I’m only 5’8″. I want to get back to a “normal” 165 lbs. at some point?

Back to riding, running and playing more sports. Glad there’s some office games going on right now. So I’m trying to get as much activity as I can because it sucks sitting at a desk all day.

South By was fun but tiring as usual. If you dot have a plan, you end up roaming around a LOT and that means a LOT of standing, walking and waiting. I love the Technology portion because it deals with a lot of the logistics and the R&D as well as the people behind all the genius behind their products.  There’s something about hearing new innovations that inspire me to keep thinking and dreaming of the next best thing.  If not being the next best thing, I have ideas that I hope can be useful for a niche following.

As for the music portion, I got to see some pretty good shows unexpectedly and also for free.  I am bewildered at how some companies can throw the parties that they do and maintain order and organization.  That’s a great team right there for doing so.  It means you’re able to celebrate with your co-workers but also shows that if you work hard, you play harder.

Music seen this year at SxSW:

fun.
Penguin Prison (2x)
Counting Crows
Chiddy Bang
Walk the Moon
Nas
Erykah Badu
Theophilus London
The Shins 

Not bad, considering I spent a total of 10 bucks total on all of these shows, per say.  Lots of free bevvies and food in the midst of all that as well.  Thanks to my friend, Bryan for hooking me up with some SWAG as well.

Disappointing to miss Young the Giant and Grouplove opening for them this weekend but I’ll definitely have to catch them next time around.  Just those two acts together is one hell of a show and one hell of a night, if you ask me.  Living in Austin really opens up a lot of opportunities to see live music and at venues that aren’t insane stadiums so you feel like you’re at least close enough to feel the energy up on stage.  I need to find a way to document all the artists I’ve seen up on stage.  Way to many to go uncharted because I really think almost every show has this one moment where you’re just so damn glad you showed up.